Guidelines for a Successful Life

Have you being searching for the truth, for meaning and for purpose.  Have you have read book after book, listened to audios, purchased programs, studied various concepts of spirituality, and read multiple interpretations  of the real Law of Attraction?

Have you found the answers that you have been seeking? Or are confusion, self doubt, resignation, or cynicism replacing your quest for meaning and purpose? Have you been unable to achieve the magnificent results that the  programs and experts promised, resulting in  increasing feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness? Or have you concluded that it is all a bunch of garbage and life is determined by accidental interaction of molecules. Or may be the experts have convinced you that you are one of those people are simply intellectually lazy, or possess the hopelessly negative mindset of the masses.

I began asking myself questions about the meaning of life when I was 12. I agonized over what my Purpose was, what it meant to be a spiritual person and live a spiritual life, what God’s will was for me.

I have at least five, six foot bookcases filled with books on spirituality, self growth, psychology, particle physics and astronomy.. And I have actually read them all. I have purchased programs, attended workshops, paid for college courses, interviews experts and questioned gurus. I have worked at a facility as a professional counselor , employing  the techniques and concepts of the day. I have created programs, facilitated group and individual sessions, using a combination of my professional knowledge and experience. I spent time at an ashram, attended retreats that applied Buddhist concepts and others that applied Hindu concepts. I am familiar with the Rumi, the Koran, the Kabala, the Dead Sea Scrolls and of course the Bible.

Now I am 54.. I don’t have all the answers, or even all the questions. But I have experienced much and gained some knowledge, crucial for living a meaningful life with integrity.
Guidelines for Life

No book or program can give me my answer. The most they can do is present ideas, give me an expanded perspective,  point me in a new direction or at times misdirect me. I must use only the information that resonates with my spirit, and apply it to my life

To guide my life in a positive direction and reach my potential, I must develop informed conclusions from the information that I receive. But more importantly, I must listen intently to my inner guidance, , decide which beliefs to discard and which to create, establish my principles, priorities and truths.

Crucially, I must turn knowledge into application. I must live according to my principles, priorities and truths in all areas of my life, continue to trust my inner knowing and have the courage of my convictions. But I must also remain  flexible and be willing to adjust my course, depending on the feedback from the Universe.

Wealth and power, in themselves do not provide happiness and satisfaction. However, they do buy enough distraction and moments of ego gratification to quiet the gnawing emptiness to an occasional vague dissatisfaction.

Sometimes I have to be okay with not knowing all the answers or exactly where life is leading me.  Even so, I must remain aware of new information, pay attention to the sign posts, and be aware of the inner nudging so I don’t miss my turn or my destination.

How I do something is more important than what I do. Gaining my objective by compromising my principles may be a win, but it is not success. It is my true intentions and choices reflect my integrity and spirituality. The outcome only affects how others will judge me.

The equation for creating a fulfilling life is: focusing on my passion, striving to reach my highest potential and putting other people’s well being ahead of my objectives,my agendas, my personal success, my judgments and my image.  Although, this is not always the equation for reaching the pinnacle of material power and success,  I do receive true fulfillment and personal freedom.  In addition,  living my passion may not always pay the bills. But I still get paid, and that is in a currency that lasts, and only increases in value.

You can not please society, your employer, your family, your friends, the critics in your head, your ego and your true authentic self. Choose One.

Following your heart does not lead to selfish or self centered behavior. But trying to avoid your fears, your insecurities, avoiding or repressing unpleasant feelings, keeping up an image, making ego gratification a priority, and trying to control outcomes and appearances will.  Instead focus on Being the person you truly want to become.

These guidelines may not always result in tremendous wealth, power and influence. However, if you apply them, you will gain a sense of empowerment, find fulfillment and meaning in your life, experience a sense of personal freedom and a connection to your inner spirit or essence. And those are the ingredients for happiness.

After all, happiness is really what we are all seeking in our own way.

Guidelines for application.

If you are not an avid reader, or if you are just tired of the search,  apply these guidelines and your life will improve.

1. Treat others the way you would want others to treat your family or yourself.

2. To Thine own Self be true. ( This means true to your authentic self, not your fears, image, or ego

3. And when applying the above, use the guideline below.

Grant me …

The serenity to accept the things I can not change, (you will bang your head against the wall less often)
The courage to change the things I can,  (you  will gain a sense of empowerment and accountability)
And the wisdom to know the difference. ( so you won’t get them ass backward like I did for many years.)

If you are interested in further guidance or support, call or email me for a free 30 minute consultation.

513-889-1870

excellence@cinci.rr.com

The Cancer Without and Within

By Lauren Kennedy      http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

At the dawning of the twenty first century, disturbing reports of questionable behavior were beginning to trickle out  from various sources, despite organized efforts to suppress, conceal or spin. The inherent trust and respect that we have customarily  granted certain elite organizations, government positions and prominent businesses began to waiver. Over the course of several years, distressing revelations repeatedly exploded into public awareness. Reactions were varied: feelings of betrayal, confusion, anger, and fear were countered by efforts to rationalize, excuse or deny the obvious misconduct.

The first hint of betrayal oozed into the media, tarnishing the image of a long revered establishment. Powerful, wealthy and  the premier voice of authority on issues of morality, the Catholic Church was now on the defensive. The clergy -  Priests, Bishops and Cardinals had been harboring priests who were engaging in child abuse. They were actively protecting the offending priests from prosecution, by repeatedly relocating them to new unsuspecting parishes. The priests,  viewed with reverence and unquestioning trust from their parishioners, and had ready access to the most vulnerable amongst them.

Mounting evidence recently  exposed gross abuses in the use of executive powers. The politicians countered with justifications, alleging that they were misinformed, and claiming that they had acted solely in the best interests of the United States.

Taken with their own self importance, they concluded that fulfilling their personal agenda and/or beliefs, was more important than complying with executive restraints.  They expertly concocted galvanizing speeches, neatly spinning  propaganda, false information  and omissions designed to elicit an emotional response and convince us to support their hidden agendas.  Authoritative discourses by government elite, reminded us of our vulnerability and our patriotic duty.   We were duly motivated by a campaign of emotional manipulation to approve and support a war based on rhetoric and personal agendas.

But they went further still. They fed our terror, and in the name of protecting our form of government, they passed amendments and laws that infringe on our personal freedoms, our privacy, our dignity and strip away some long held constitutional rights. We overlooked the contradiction, accepting the rational that to protect the freedoms inherent in our democratic form of government, we must approve laws that limit, infringe or strip us of many of our constitutional rights and personal freedoms. We were fed, and happily swallowed a diet of fear, revenge, and blind patriotism.

Then came Guantanamo. Reports of torture, violations of human rights and disregard for the guidelines of the Geneva Convention surfaced. Then came accounts of individuals who were snatched off the streets and held incognito, without charges, without phone calls, for an indefinite time period. Interestingly, most of these reports elicited little public concern. Although, we have been quick to condemn human rights violation in other countries, we preferred to overlook them in our own. Finally the political climate began to shift when, over our justifications, some of the countries that we consider our allies, reproached our conduct. And for good reason.

Many of the techniques used at Guantanamo were previously identified as war crimes during the Geneva Convention. The manor in which prisoners were to be treated and the techniques that constituted inhumane abuse had been set forth in specific guidelines. The United States was instrumental in writing, approving and supporting this agreement. At Guantanamo, painful, humiliating and dehumanizing conduct was evident in some of the video recordings:  for example, prisoners were instructed  to lay naked on the cold cement floor, on their sides, one up against the other, while intimidating guards stood over them shouting out abusive, derisive comments in between their laughter, jokes and amusement at the prisoners obvious humiliation and powerlessness. Torture was routinely inflicted without formal charges and certainly without conviction.

In addition,  a psychologist, posing as a supportive individual whom the prisoner could trust,  would discover the prisoner’s greatest fears and helped to design situations that would maximize his terror. If you were afraid of insects, you would be put in a dark room, on the cold floor,  with insects placed all over you.

Individuals were abducted here and abroad, never to be heard from again. Sometimes the individuals only crime was having a second nephew who was a suspected terrorist sympathizer. Now there’s a scary thought, being arrested for the suspected views of a distant family member.

The most recent revelation affected our pockets. Powerful corporate executives’ single minded pursuit, to secure massive profits and satisfy share holders, tipped the country into financial mayhem. This was not an overnight occurrence. Corporate conglomerates have been wielding their power and gaining preferred treatment at an alarming rate for some time. They convinced congress to pass deregulation on their loans and financial dealings. They have lobbied successfully to minimize the regulation of the pollutants that they pump into the air, the water and the ground. They are gaining support  to access protected land in Alaska to drill for a small amount of oil, in the midst of concern about global warming.

Corporate supporters cry socialization when any government restrictions are suggested. Wait a minute. Citizens’ conduct is regulated by governmental laws and no one cries socialism. Why aren’t corporations subject to the same laws of civilized conduct?

In addition, they pay a pittance in taxes, while earning huge profits.   By default, they have transferred the tax burden of the country to the citizens. When called into question on their conduct,  their excuse is we haven’t broken any laws. Thanks, no doubt to deregulation. Since ethics appears to be an ineffective motivation for some corporations, logic dictates that they do indeed need some governmental  regulation.

Then we were further outraged when these same corporations received bailout money from the government. This is an understandable reaction. However, if the large corporate conglomerates fail, it will not be their executives that suffer from the economic collapse. It will be the millions of working Americans that lose their homes, jobs, pensions, health care,  hope, and respect.

By allowing corporations to expand and operate without checks and balances, they are in a position to hold the country and its citizens hostage in their pursuit of profit and power. Gratefully, our founding fathers were wise enough to include a system of checks and balances in the governmental structure. It would appear that only the corporations have unfettered reign.

Without doubt, all of the actions of the main contributors in these situations acted out of pure self interest.  They used their power, respect, wealth, and influence to mislead,  to deny, to blame, to whitewash and to protect themselves at the expense of others. They considered themselves too important to be governed by the law of the ordinary citizen. They felt no obligation to be truthful with the public. They felt justified in obtaining their goals, regardless of the obstacles. And if they had to lie or ignore ethical behavior to do it, well, their power and success gave them that right. They felt entitled to pursue their goals, agendas and judgments in order to insure that they remained at the top of the heap.. Their power and importance made them a cut above the masses, in their own opinion and also that of many others.

As negative as their behavior may have been, we also must accept responsibility for this  pattern of disregard for the law and for others . If we want to avoid a repeat, we must ask ourselves: How were these organizations and the individuals in them, able to behave for so many years, in ways that we have now proclaimed as unconscious? How were they able to mislead us? Why are many of those individuals that are responsible for aiding and abetting still in positions of authority and influence rather than facing criminal proceedings?

What do all these situations have in common?  As a society, we bought into the rhetoric. We confused material abundance and external power with integrity, wisdom and character. We let others tells us what was best for us, rather than researching, thinking and taking responsibility for ourselves. And we mistakenly believed that our social position rendered us powerless, less capable, less knowledgeable and less worthy.

Our own perceptions and priorities are largely responsible for this quagmire. We idealize the wealthy, powerful or famous. We assume that because they are skilled at making money, influencing others, or gaining recognition, that they are somehow superior in every respect. Being successful in business has no correlation to superior intelligence, self discipline or stellar character.

Sadly, we do not seem to have the same respect or the desire to emulate those people who devote time and energy to social issues, to giving others support and a hand up, to conservation, or to animal rights. We may say, “That’s nice”, or comment about how dedicated they are, but that’s just lip service. In contrast, we flock to see the rich, powerful and famous in person. We consider them to be more knowledgeable, more important, more deserving, and just plain better than those who are not in their class.

I can not count the times I had heard a newscaster, the police, government officials make the following comment when a violent crime occurs in an affluent neighborhood. ” You would never expect something like that to happen in this neighborhood.”

Why? Since when does power, prestige or wealth render a person incapable of violence? Why do we think that a successful image, wealth, and respect means that an individual also possesses empathy, self control, a peaceful nature, and a high ethical standard?

White collar crimes affect many people but the consequences are negligible in comparison to the sentences doled out to common criminals. A third time shoplifter, even if they steal one pack of gum, can receive more prison time than many of the executives that participated in a scam that led to millions of the public’s dollars stolen. They even use a kinder word – misappropriated. It was in fact stealing, same as the shoplifter.

Although we may be angry at the results of their actions, we do not have the same contempt for them as we show other criminals. Our perceptions clouds our reason.  If a thief breaks into someone’s home and steals their valuables, we want to lock him up and throw away the key. However, corporate greed has frequently, robbed people, not just of their valuables, but of their livelihood, their pensions and their dignity. And no insurance policy will cover that loss. And still they are rarely viewed with the same distain as other non violent offenders.

By contrast, the courageous people who report the misconduct of their company do not gain our respect and support. Instead they are black listed from obtaining work in their profession. They are labeled as ungrateful employees, non team players, betrayers. They suffer the consequences of standing up for their beliefs for years to come. But the companies and the corporate executive are slapped on the hand, only occasionally receiving a couple of years in a federal confinement. And after their release, they are rewarded with a new lucrative position in another corporation.

The clergy was also idolized. People looked to them for answers, for forgiveness, for salvation. We equated the piety and wisdom of the priest, the pope or their equal in another denomination, with our own level of spirituality. We believe that by virtue of their position, they had a more direct communication with the creator. And when they were shown to be less than perfect, many people suffered a personal spiritual crisis.

Spirituality is in each humans heart and soul. It is the life energy of the creator within us. Only we can choose to make it a priority to know the divine within. We choose whether or not to express our highest spiritual nature through our honest intentions, our choices, our actions, and our compassion. Our spirituality is not based on who we choose to follow, but by our clarity and courage to hear, discern and follow that small still voice within.

The ten commandment, our churches doctrine, societal guidelines, the current laws of the land, can give us a sense of direction. But we can also use them to appease our guilt and avoid personal responsibility. If I adhere to the ten commandments and the law of the land, I can rationalize overlooking injustice, justify ulterior  motivates and personal agendas, and claim that dishonesty in business  in no way makes one personally dishonest.

Appearance and image take precedence over true personal accountability. The image that we present and sell becomes more important than who we are and the qualities by which we live. The values that express true Character, integrity, personal truth, non judgment, acceptance,  and unity may become a hindrance to maintaining the our image, position, or wealth. We compromise our beliefs and values and justify this by saying that we are just being realistic.

We also use rules and loyalty to abdicate our personal responsibility. I was just following orders. I was being loyal to company policy. I didn’t break any commandments or  the law or church doctrine . It’s not my fault. I was misinformed.

By employing this tactic, we may be able to save face and even turn the situation to our own advantage. We may even gain public respect. Many of the Godfather’s had quite a lot of public respect and support. But respect does not translate into character. We may succeed at fooling ourselves into believing our own hype. But we can not fool the Universe, its laws or our own soul.

To avoid making decisions based on faulty information, we must learn to think for ourselves and act with objectivity. We never questioned the false information that propelled us into war. We wanted revenge after 911. We wanted to eliminate our fear and vulnerability. So we did not evaluate the information we received. We wanted someone to blame. And the former President handed us the culprit on the golden platter of propaganda, revenge and patriotism. And we were hungry. We were not overly concerned about whether the culprit we were punishing was the responsible party.

Our own fears and feelings of powerlessness resulted in our allowing ourselves to be used and manipulated. Others used those feelings to fuel our misconceptions. They used our respect for their image to convince us to listen to them and not ourselves.

Society, government, corporations, etc have  conditioned us to believe that wealth, power and influence  is synonymous with freedom, safety, importance, belonging, satisfaction and security, (qualities that are our birthright).  So we encourage our children to strive and compete to become a member of this elite group of people that we perceive as the cream of humanity. If our children make it to the top of the heap, we assume that they will  experience happiness, possess exceptional character, mindset and courage.  They will no longer be subject to the fate of those poor huddling masses.

We want our children to be happy. Our responsibility as parents is to teach, support and guide them to develop a sense of responsibility, self efficacy, independence, self worth, and  the courage to “Thine own Self be True”. However, our own fears,  insecurities, and desires get in the way. Instead of encouraging them to develop honesty, personal truth, compassion, thoughtfulness, tolerance,  and respect for all life, we stress the importance of acquiring social status, material wealth, influence, respect and power. And so the conditioning continues.

But material wealth and power alone, do not result in lasting happiness, freedom or satisfaction.

The entitled,  powerful, and wealthy have a secret. And they do not want you to discover it. Some of them are also motivated by fear.   Success wealth and power have enabled them to create the illusion that they are more intelligent, have more self discipline, dedication, higher character and  more worth, in short, that they are superior to others. The public has eagerly ascribed to this notion. But having created this illusion, they are now imprisoned by it.

They realize that their respect, influence, and entitlement depend on perpetuating this image, the wealth and power. Without those props, their illusion of greatness, superior intelligence, dedication and character dissolve. And so does their advantage.

For the wealthy and successful whose sense of self emanates from within, from who they are Being, the loss would merely be a disappointment, not a catastrophe. Their character, wisdom, courage, inner truth and respect for life will sustain them. However, for the rest, desperation sets in.

They are compelled to give themselves huge raises and bonuses, expediting the company’s slide into bankruptcy. They rationalize stashing funds in foreign non taxable bank accounts, shifting the tax burden to the masses.  They lobby, coerce, leverage or bribe politicians to pass or repeal laws to legalize unethical actions. They now use bankruptcy as an administration tactic so they can pressure employees to take cuts in salary and pensions even while they increase their own, and pay millions in lawyer fees in order to push the envelope further still.

If their image is tarnished, if their wealth is compromised, if their power and influence is lost, so to is the automatic respect and trust, their importance, their privileges, and their identity. Those who do possess true character, may feel the sting of disillusionment, that although they are the same person, they do not receive the same respect.  But beyond that, their self worth, identity, and enthusiasm for living are intact. Those who confused power with character will be left  with the bitter aftertaste from the loss of their misguided sense of entitlement.

When we  depend on externals to define our sense of worth, value and self, we are never free. We will never experience the full richness of our Being. We will always be running as fast as we can to get what we need, to keep what we have, and to make certain no one else get more than us.

Please understand, I advocate abundance, material, emotional, mental and spiritual, for anyone who desires it. And there are many individual in position of influence and success, that are people of character, integrity and compassion.

But the crucial point is this: one has little to do with the other.

Wealth, power and influence does not imply superior mindset, greater character or heightened intellect. Just as the lack of material wealth, external power and the ability to control others,  in no way reflects a lack of integrity, courage, character, intelligence, determination, self discipline or compassion.

Frequently, even when we are no longer fooled by the rhetoric and image, when we realize that true personal success may or may not include wealth and power,   and when we have learned to recognize, discern and trust  the still small voice within, we may still feel vulnerable and powerless in the face of the powerful. David may have slew Goliath, but we question if our aim will be as good or our method as effective.

We must remember, it is not the result of our action that demonstrate character, courage and integrity. It is our true intention, our compassion, our honesty and our courage to be true to ourselves that reflects who we are and who we want to become.

When we ascribe characteristics, values and honor to a person based on their image, power and influence, we are helping to create a false illusion and dishonoring ourselves.  When we allow our fears and outrage to determine our choices, we must rationalize our decision with the ends justify the means. Pledging allegiance to a concept, enforcing it blindly instead of applying the essence of the concept to each situation, results in decisions that are unjust. And when we allow our spiritual connection to the creator and the responsibility for expressing our highest personal truth to be controlled by the religious icons, we are betraying our highest responsibility.

Our greatest freedom results from trusting our intuition and ourselves. Our greatest growth results from being aware of who we are and who we want to become.  And our deepest fulfillment results from courageously expressing our truth in each new moment as we constantly change and evolve.

That is what feeds our soul, empowers us and gives us courage in the face of fear. Listening to that still small voice within, requires dedication, accountability, awareness, and courage. And sometime it requires that we take that lonely road less travelled,  the path to happiness and personal freedom.

Criminalizing Morality

By Lauren Kennedy    http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

This morning I was enjoying the luxury of lying in bed and drinking my coffee. The kids were, gratefully occupied, and I was contemplating if I could put off going to the grocery for one more day. There’s actually plenty of food, but the items that my children like have been consumed. The television was turned to the history channel, and while I was deciding if staying home was worth the complaining I was certain to hear, a documentary on prohibition aired.

As I watched, my thoughts about the obvious parallel between the effects of the 18th Amendment (prohibition) and the government’s current war on drugs were again confirmed.

The proponents of prohibition intended that the 18th Amendment would mandate that the public adhere to the moral values and principles that they, themselves did. They sought to elevate the moral fiber of the masses.

But Prohibition not only failed to improve the public moral fiber, but set the stage for increased violence and organized crime. Prior to prohibition, the gang were unorganized, unsophisticated, and marginally profitable.

The process of producing, obtaining and distributing liquor created the need for organization and teamwork. And the thirst of the American public made the enterprize well worth the effort of cooperation. Thus organized crime was born.

With the advent of organized crime, murder, violence, police corruption and tax dollars for fighting them rocketed. To maximized their profits, mobsters cut the liquor before it reached the public, just as drug dealers do today. Some of the alcohol was just diluted, but some gangsters added toxic substances to enhance the flavor and the kick. This resulted, as it does today, in many consumer fatalities.

Finally, even some of the original proponents of the 18th Amendment, realizing that it didn’t have the desired effect, called for its repeal. The American public rejoiced. But the mobsters were in mourning.

The war on drugs has produced parallel results in nearly every way. Increased violence, street gangs have become organized, organized crime has partnered with banks to launder money, and corrupt police or government officials aide in the import of contraband. People die from poorly cut products. In addition, due to the high cost of illegal drugs, consumers have resorted to theft, forgery and prostitution to pay for the drugs, making up 70% of the prison population. Alcoholics seldom have to resort to criminal acts because their drug of choice is legal and thus much more affordable.

Tax dollars are spent on this war. Tax dollars that could be levied on the substances if they were legalized, are being lost. Some undercover agents have become indistinguishable from their suspects. Is this working?

Educating people about the dangers of drugs is next to useless. Has the cancer label on cigarettes stopped many people from smoking? When one is in emotional pain, health concerns take a back seat. And emotional pain on some level is the basis for addiction, not the substance. I knew many people, some of them lawyers and judges, who used cocaine. Not everyone who used became addicted. They were akin to social drinkers, they were social users. One does not become addicted to pain medicine because their doctor wrote them a prescription. All prescriptions for pain medicine have directions that state “as needed.” If you take it when you are not in physical pain, it isn’t the doctor’s fault. Many people take pain medicine on occasion without it resulting in addiction.

In a free society, by definition, only laws necessary to protect the public from harm from another person, organization or business are appropriate. Laws protecting people from themselves are an invasion of privacy and laws protecting people from their fate in the hereafter are in violation of separation of church and state.

But the real lesson here has little to due with drugs, alcohol or laws. It is the world’s need for tolerance and compassion. It is feelings of alienation, powerlessness, and worthlessness. It is the negative consequences of judgment and punishment. It is the feelings of inadequacy, the perception that to be important and respected one must fit into a narrowly defined image, role, or segment of society. It is view that only positive feelings are acceptable. It is valuing material success and power over valuing individual purpose, allowing spontaneity, and honoring principles. And it is making goal achievement a priority over experiencing life as an adventure and a journey.   These are some of the issues that leads to addiction, all addictions. It leads to gangs. It leads to teen suicide.

In a free society, legally mandating moral behavior is unacceptable, and it doesn’t work. It didn’t work during Prohibition and it’s not working now.

Worth is Not Measured in Dollars or IQ

By Lauren Kennedy   – http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

I frequently shop at Krogers. Their plastic shopping bags are rather small and extremely thin and weak.  If you put three cans in one bag and pick it up too quickly, they will bust out the bottom of the bag.  Any item that has square corners, quickly tears a gash in the bag. And my kids are anything but careful when they bring in the groceries from the car.

Time and again, I have said to the baggers, “Please do not make the bags full or heavy.” But my request always seems to fall on deaf ears. After a glass jar of applesauce fell through the bottom of the bag and smashed all over my driveway, I decided to bag my own groceries.

The baggers always look a bit confused when I tell them that I will bag my own groceries,  but at least I get all my items in the house in one piece.

The other day, I was once again standing in  line at Kroger with a cart full of groceries.   I had spent two hours in the doctors office to get treated for asthmatic bronchitis and another hour waiting for my prescriptions to be filled. By the time it was my turn to check out, I just wanted to get back home and lay down.

So when one of the baggers came to help me unload my cart, I was relieved to have some assistance.  Instead of telling him that I would bag them myself, I just ask him not to pack the bags full or heavy, expecting the request to once again be ignored.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Finally, I wheeled out the cart load of groceries with my last bit of energy.  As I put them in the car, I realized he had actually complied with my request, and he had also packed cold food with cold food, and non food with non food, something that I had completely given up on ever getting done.

A job well done deserves acknowledgement. So I thought I would go back into the store and give him a tip. I though that  tipping might be against their policy. So I asked the manage if I could tip my bagger because he had done a wonderful job. She said, “Oh, you mean David? Isn’t he sweet?”

David happened to be one of their employees that is mentally challenged. (I believe that is the proper term.)

I replied, “Well, yes he is sweet, but I want to tip him because he is the only bagger in two years that has ever packed my bags the way I had asked for it to be done.”

But no,  tipping is not allowed. She said that a compliment would mean just as much as a tip to him. Hmmm. Even if someone is sweet, he can’t buy anything with compliments.

Since I could not tip him, I found him and paid him a compliment instead.  He actually hugged me.

What do You Value?

As I trudged back to the car, feeling a bit lighter,  in spite of the  congestion and fatigue from the bronchitis, I reflected on our priorities and values as a society.

We reward intelligence, but it  is conscientiousness and thoughtfulness that demonstrate  character.  We idealize the wealthy, expressing  disbelief that a violent crime could occur in their high class neighborhoods, and if so, the perpetrator must have been an outsider. We respect  the successful executives, while we penalize  the corporate whistle blower who risked his career for having the courage and integrity of his convictions. We unquestionably give credence, our trust and our loyalty  to people with power and prestige.  To a person that is compassionate and honest, we  give platitudes, isn’t that nice, isn’t he sweet, but they remain insignificant for us unless they also have status.

Given our priorities, we can hardly blame wall street for their actions.  A as a society, our values, the qualities we most respect and desire, are wealth rather than honesty, success rather than integrity , and power and prestige over fairness and compassion.

But it was David,  not those wealthy, successful and powerful individuals, who created a bit of sunshine in a rather long and trying day. David, rather than dismissing my request, as the more intelligent individuals had done, actually listened.  In addition, he demonstrated superb reasoning and conscientiousness when he bagged the cold foods together, non food items together, and produce together. Unlike the other baggers, he realized that putting fresh fruit under a can of soup, was not a good idea.

Yes, he was sweet, but he was also capable, caring, conscientiousness and valuable.  Character, integrity and value are independent of wealth, status or power.

Each of us is important, no matter our level of intelligence, status or wealth.  We each  can touch others’ lives in our own unique way. We can choose to remain self involved. Or we can choose to be aware and present to each moment and to the people that show up in it. We can choose to cast our judgments, rationalization, and fears  aside, and respond from the urgings of our heart and spirit.  You can never know when that one caring word, act or gesture may be the motivation that changes the course of someone’s life. Or puts a ray of hope in their day.

I may still slip David a tip.

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Lauren Kennedy http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

The Paradoxical Commandments.

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
Love them Anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good Anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed Anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good Anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank Anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest mean and women with the smallest minds.
Think big Anyway.

People favor underdogs by follow only top dogs.
Fight for the underdogs Anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build Anyway.

People really need help but many attack you if you do help them.
Help people Anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have Anyway.

These commandments have a curious history. They were originally written by a high school student as a booklet for student leadership in the sixties. There were thirty thousand copies published by the National Association for Secondary Schools.

Thirty years later, the author Kent M. Keith,  discovered the Paradoxical Commandments in a book about Mother Teresa. She had hung them on a wall in one of her children’s homes. They had also made
their  way to a librarians internet site, and to a Professor from the University of Southern California who used them to begin her classes each semester.

Since then Kent Keith has written a short book entitled “Anyway” which briefly explores each commandment. It is a wonderfully insightful book. One of my favorite passages is as follows:

What is important is not whether anyone remembers. What is important is who you are as a person. What matters is how you live. If you are living authentically and generously, you won’t worry about whether anybody else knows or remembers.

We don’t have to prove that we are right, heroic or gracious to the world. In fact the act of doing so is more about our ego than about doing the next right thing. Demeaning or attacking others to gain support for our point of view is akin to shooting someone to resolve an argument. Instead, we must gain our motivation from within, and trust that those who are willing or able will follow our lead.

Here is a short poem by Emily Dickinson that illustrates the importance of a caring act, which is often more significant than leading and promoting a popular movement.

If I can stop one Heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one Life the Aching
Or cool one Pain
Or help one fainting Robin
Unto his Nest again
I shall not live in Vain.

If you wish to live authentically, to realize your potential, to give your best to the world, please contact me for a free 30 minute consultation.

Email: excellence@cinci.rr.com

Phone: 513-889-1870

Changes

by: Lauren Kennedy   http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

Everything changes. It’s impossible to remain the same. Every experience, every encounter, every thought, every action and every feeling changes us in some way.

A leaf must drift with the wind. An insect reacts to its environment. And some animals have little choice but to follow their instincts. Humans have the gift of choice.

It is true that many times circumstances, events and people are beyond our control. Our feelings can arise before we have time to formulate a thought about the situation. But our attitude, our perception and our response is our choice.

We can learn to respond instead of react. We can understand that who we are Being affects our feelings. And we can expand our perception to minimize our fears, eradicate blame, and empower ourselves.

An Impossible Dream? Not at all. Remember every journey begins with the first step. Finding our way requires that we look with fresh eyes, discover new information, acquire new skills, and practice applying what we have learned. We may have to reach out for a guiding hand or an encouraging word to take that next step. It is our responsibility to ask for what we need to proceed on our journey.

Remember, knowing and not doing is the same as not knowing.

And where are we headed on our journey? All of us, every single one, have our sites set on lasting happiness, fulfillment and inner peace. Although our journeys may vary, our destination is the same.

Keep that in mind, when you are setting goals. Immediate happiness may feel good momentarily, but just like the euphoria of a drug induced high, it will quickly fade away to be replaced by a burning yearning inside.

As we choose each step of our journey, we may be unaware at the subtle changes occuring inside. But one day we will awake and notice that the colors seem brighter and the day ahead is inviting. And incredibly, the world, rather than a place full of danger to be avoided or controlled, is instead a wondrous place full of potential and exciting experiences from which to choose.

Empowerment from Within

By Lauren Kennedy      http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

Our thoughts, intellect and rational processes of deduction have achieve a preferred status as the most dependable, reliable and intelligent method of managing our lives, our decisions, our goals, our relationships, our beliefs, our behaviors and even our emotions.

To be valid and factual, everything must be measurable, quantifiable, and finite.  Stoic self discipline and adherence to tradition are regarded as indicators of character, respectability,  dependability and loyalty. Routine, schedules, and structure are the framework for productivity, efficiency, and stability.

These concepts give us the illusion of security, control and entitlement. They are the basic underpinnings of maintaining a social  order, dictating appropriate norms, assigning  levels  of social acceptability and worth in our civilized societies.

The intellect is revered as our  premier faculty that enables us  to rise above our animal instincts  and establish civilization. We point to our superior intelligence as the quality that elevates us above the rest of the animal species.

Unfortunately, in the process, we are eliminating, devaluing, and denying the many characteristics and innate qualities that make us who we are. These same qualities have enabled us to take  the intuitive leap in perspective that has increased our understanding of the world, the universe, and our place and connection in the rest of creation.

Greatness Comes from Within

It was Einstein’s imagination and intuition that lead to a profoundly new perspective  that revised  the laws of physics. The wonder and curiosity that he felt for the incredible workings of the universe, fueled his determination, inspired his unorthodox theories  and instilled a belief in cooperation between nation’s rather than dominance.

Through their creativity and courage, the founding father’s of this country envisioned a new form of government and authored the constitution and principles of a new nation.

Martin Luther King Jr. facing a nation seeped in bigotry,  lead 25,000 people in a march, inspiring them to maintain his ideal of peaceful protest, while they endured act of violence against them.  It was his impassioned  vision, his commitment to his principles, and the positive energy that emanated from his spirit that moved a nation towards upholding its stated principles.

Mother Teresa fed, healed and comforted multitudes of people, generated funds and support through her unwavering compassion, determination and devotion. Empowered and guided by the inner voice of her spirit,  her resolve attracted the resources needed to continue her mission.

These examples of human achievement were not the result of intellect, adherence to convention, standards of social acceptability, or established logic.

The Impossible is Fueled by Passion and Desire

Each of these people accomplished the impossible, not through the powers of their intellect, but through qualities that are not measurable, definite or finite.  They became figures of progress, awareness, and transformation because of their willingness to override their intellectual rigidity and follow their passion, their intuition and the promptings of their spirit.

They were guided by their feelings, not their intellect. They may have used their intellect for the planning phase of their dream and to make the longing in their heart become a reality. But they were guided, motivated and energized by their feelings.

It is the range and depth of our feelings that make us the special and unique species that we have become. It is our feelings, in concert with our true intention that moves mountains, changes government, and inspires imagination, intuition and ultimately creations.

If Mind Resists, Emotions Persist

We blame our emotional reactions on our feelings. But it our mind’s resistance to experiencing them that causes our self defeating,  violent, and desperate actions. It is our inability to interpret their message that produces our missteps. It is our lack of knowledge that causes us to resist, suppress and condemn a source of energy that can produce our most powerful creations and our most meaningful and fulfilling experiences.

Feelings are the language of our soul. They are constantly telling us who we are Being in each interaction, in each circumstance , in each experience, in each moment.

And it is who I am Being, my true intention and my feelings that create my perception, my experience, my world.

If you would like to discover how to experience the freedom and abundance that you desire,

Call me at: 513-889-1870 to schedule a free consultation or email me: excellence@cinci.rr.com

to schedule an appointment.

The Critic, The Worrier, The Victim, The Perfectionist

by Lauren Kennedy     http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

Negative self talk, negative thoughts, self defeating beliefs – we have been warned that these negative messages  are the enemy to a positive, abundant and successful life . But amid the incessant chatter that occurs in most of our minds, learning to identify and recognize these harmful, subversive foes can be tricky. Their well disguised messages slip into our minds unnoticed.

Our internal dialogs are constantly communicating opinions, judgments, and assumptions to us.  Sometimes they communicates in words, other times, with images, and sometimes an impression is enough to ensure our allegiance to their agenda.  There are several varieties of self talk and they each have different roles. We have lived with these various characters for so long that we often are not even aware of them. They are expert at disguising their messages so that they appear as rational, logical or responsible concerns. Even when we are aware of their warnings, alarms or condemnations, we don’t  recognize that their input is negative, skewed or out of date.

Facts about Negative Self Talk

Here’s some facts about negative self talk so you will no longer be at such a disadvantage.

Self talk is so automatic and subtle that we don’t notice the effect that it has on our attitude and emotions. We react without even realizing that we our obeying these negative messages.

Self talk can take the form of an image, one word, memories or associations. It’s not always in sentence form. The images and associations, can be even more powerful than self talk that is delivered in a sentence. For example, the thought, ” No one will go out with you,” is not as powerful as a technicolor image of a past, public rejection.

No matter how irrational, self talk always sounds like the truth. The assumptions that we draw about the current situation is based on our irrational self talk, rather than the actual facts of the present circumstance. Then, we base our decisions, behaviors and actions on those faulty assumptions.

Negative self talk is self perpetuating and results in avoidance.  For example, Joe’s self talk tells him that he is clumsy and awkward in social situations.  The fact that he has no friends seems to justify this statement. However, the reason he has no friends is because he avoids any social contact, for fear of looking clumsy and awkward. Thus he has no friends because he avoids any opportunity to make friends.  But that connection eludes to him.

Four Basic Types of Self Talk Characters

I have outlined the four basic self talk characters. These character descriptions enabled my clients to identify their own negative self talk more easily.

The Worrier: promotes anxiety

The worrier  always anticipates the worse, overestimates the odds of something bad or embarrassing happening, imagines scenes of catastrophic failure, unimaginable terror, or  unbearable hardship, with you as the main character. “What if” is the worrier’s signature phrase. What if you lose your job. What if your spouse isn’t really working late. What if that falling star is really a meteor. He also diligently watches for any indications of apprehension or anxiety in you, and uses these common sensations as confirmation that his dire scenarios are legitimate.  If you decide to go left, he will worry you about all the possible things that could go wrong. So you back track and go right. Now he worries about a new set of catastrophes resulting from the delay of backing up. We cannot know the future, so we can’t absolutely negate his imaginings. And the worrier will continue to conjure up frightening scenarios. So if you think you must quell his anxieties before you take action or make a decision, you might as well resign yourself to a life imprisoned in your home, eating comfort foods and watching the soaps. Be sure the peanut butter cups are salmonella free.

The Critic: promotes low self esteem

The critic is constantly judging and evaluating you. He emphasizes your flaws, limitations,  and mistakes. He compares you unfavorably to others by highlighting their best qualities and contrasting them with your weaknesses. Any accomplishment you achieve is minimized. The critic does this by pointing out: what you could have done better, (you could have won by 10 points instead of a close margin of 5), that you only succeeded because you had help and encouragement, that  the challenge wasn’t that difficult for you so it doesn’t really count,  or cautions you that your achievement was just luck, a one time wonder. He may even blame you for other peoples’ behaviors. (If you had reminded your friend about your weekly luncheon date, he may not have stood you up)  And he expects perfection. No matter how hard you try, you will never please the critic.  His job is to find fault and he takes his work seriously. You will never get any comfort or validation from him. He prides himself on being the drill sergeant from hell. And if you listen, you will be right there with him.

The Victim: promotes depression

The victim alleges that you are hopelessly incapable of making your way in the big bad world. He points our your powerlessness to change insurmountable issues, world hunger, corporate corruption, war, your friends depression. How could you possibly manage your life in a world where you do not make a difference. He also likes to convince you that you are responsible for other people’s feelings. (If your children are upset when they are disciplined, you must not be communicating effectively. If you refrain from discipline , you are an irresponsible parent.) He has put you in a catch 22 and then  points out the hopelessness of your situation. And just in case that doesn’t work, he convinces you that there is something inherently wrong, inadequate, defective or unworthy about you. He tops this off with the idea that since you are unworthy, you deserve your lot in life, so when someone mistreats you, it’s because you have failed  in some way. Therefore you have no right to expect anything better than what you get. He is very thorough. He has blocked all of your intellectual exists. If you try to achieve something, he tells you that you are being grandiose. If you don’t, you are weak. If someone mistreats you, its because you deserve it. If you try to stand up for yourself, you don’t have that right because you are unworthy. He graduated at the top of the negative self talk class. You will never beat him in an intellectual debate because he doesn’t play fair. And besides, since you are unworthy, you don’t deserve to win.

The Perfectionist: promotes chronic stress and burnout

The perfectionist is a relentless master. He is intolerant of the notion that you are human. This is just an excuse to him. He is never satisfied with your performance. You could have done better if you had studied instead of slept for those two long hours. You should never lose control. You should always be pleasant.  Giving in to fatigue, illness, or pain is a lack of self discipline. He will analyze every conversation, every decision, every interaction and inform you of how you could have done better. He convinces you that your worth as a person is based on the greatness of your achievements, your level of dedication, your degree of self discipline, your ability to remain nice to others regardless of their behavior. Mistakes are intolerable and are an indication that you have been irresponsible or complacent. Some perfectionist may focus on certain priorities over others. He may not be concerned about how others are affected as long as you brilliantly achieve the desire goal . But no matter how brilliant the conquest, he will be ready with a list, citing the things that you could have done better. Other times he will insist that you make an outstanding contribution to society, sustain a lucrative career, take care of your ill parent, and still maintain the same level of responsibility and service in your personal relationships. He always expects more than is humanly possible and then chastises you for falling short. He constantly reminds you that only through exceptional performance will you acquire worth, value, and importance as a person. And your performance will never, ever be good enough. Therefore, neither are you. Listen to him and you end up in a psyche ward making the most perfectly elaborate leather belts or you will become a demanding dictator, hell bent on super human performance and stellar results from yourself and others no matter the cost.

These Characters are Not the Enemy

Unfortunately, often we may discover that we have more than one of these characters leading us around by the nose.  The Victim and Perfectionist together can seem like an especially cruel team.  But our misery, contrary to appearance is not their goal. They are simply doing the job that our subconscious request they do. Protect us from emotional pain and allow us to continue to avoid facing our fears.

Yes, as always, it comes back to us. These characters are not the result of undue hardship,  cut throat competition, agents of the devil or rogue viruses messing with our brain. We created them from our desire to avoid certain feelings. We hired The Critic to make certain that we  cover all our bases so we can avoid the fear or pain of criticism from others. The Worrier’s job duties are to conjure up worse case scenarios,  all sorts of possible catastrophes, and unpleasant interactions so we can take all the necessary precautions to avoid the unexpected, unwanted, unhappiness in the world. The Victim is employed  to keep us  down so no one will feel threatened, angry, disappointed, etc and lash out or reject us,  triggering the debilitating feeling of shame.  And the Perfectionist agenda is to ensure that we are wonderful, needed, respected and revered, so no one will have reason to dispute our rights, our sense of entitlement or decide  to restrict us from doing, getting or being what we want. His other job duty is to protect us from our fear of failure.

We have given these characters quite a lot of power and importance. They are convinced that  their job is indispensible and they don’t want any pink slips. So debating with them is useless. Anyway we’d just be arguing with a part of ourselves. They are a persuasive bunch because there is a basis of truth to their incessant noise.  Bad things do happen, we can not avoid criticized, we are all hurt at times, and people will always dispute our right to be, do or have want we want or who we are.

But to spend our lives dousing our house with water in case our next door neighbor sets his house on fire by falling asleep with a cigarette is an ineffective plan. Someone might  launch a bomb into your yard by mistake instead. Better build a bomb shelter, too. Neither can we  avoid criticism or reach perfection in everyone’s eyes. Working through lunch may be a mark of dedication to us. But others may assume that we think we are too good to lunch with them or we are just brown nosing. And our employer may conclude that we must work through lunch because we are not efficient enough to get our work done in a timely manner. It’s crazy making.

Resisting them is not a good option either. Remember: what you resist persists.

We Relinquish Our Power when We Refuse to Face and Experience Our Feelings

Nor should we treat them as an enemy. That supposes they are powerful. It is we who have given them power. As long as we refuse to face and experience our fears, we will continue to relinquish our power.

To stop the madness, we only need be willing to accept that feelings are a part of life. When we deny our feelings, we diminish our life experience and our awareness of our personal experience. Our life is only half lived and we are only partially conscious of ourself and our Being.  We cannot avoid avoid our feelings. Only our conscious knowledge of them. They exist inside us, creating havoc, whether we are aware of it or not.

We must be willing to experience those feelings that we have tried to avoid by control, submission, avoidance or manipulation.  Through our desire to avoid our fears, we hired these characters to enable us to resist, deny, ignore or suppress our feelings.

Feelings are Not the Cause of Our Emotional Reactions

We have been  conditioned to believe that feelings are the reason that we act irrationally. Not true. Emotional reactions occur when we have repress our feelings,  try to avoid certain feelings or judge our feelings or ourselves for having them. Emotional reactions, compulsions, impulsiveness, health issues are the result our repressed negative feelings. When we learn to experience our feelings and discharge them, we are free to choose our behavior.

My clients report that when they fully experience the feelings, their feelings do subside. Plus the situations that used to trigger these feelings, become less and less frequent and less intense. Often, the actual feelings are not as frightening as they had imagined.  And rather than constantly reacting  to the fear of experiencing a particular feeling, they begin to make decisions, choices, and take action  based on their goals, priorities, desires and dreams. Their life changes because their focus changes. Instead of resisting their feelings, they can focus on their dreams.

If You Don’t Deal with Your Feelings, They will Deal with You

When you spend all your time and energy avoiding, denying or suppressing your feelings by controlling or manipulating people and situations, you cannot focus your energy and awareness on your goals, dreams or enjoy your life. If you don’t deal with your feelings, they will deal with you. Thinking happy thoughts to cover your feelings only delays the inevitable.  Keep putting energy into a container, sooner or later it’s going to explode, no matter how much you affirm or visualize it staying contained.

Visualization is wonderfully effective  when used to create your own experience.  For example, when you experience fear, self doubt or anxiety about a situation or interaction, visualize yourself in that situation or interaction. Imagine that you are being, doing and acting as you would like to be, do and act and then believe that the outcome will be favorable.

Change Who You are Being and Everything Changes

Visualization is highly effective for changing who we are being. And who we are being, effects everything else.     If we are being a person that is resisting, avoiding or denying our feelings, then we are being fearful, irresponsible, controlled, and powerless. Those negative self talk characters will jump to our defense and we will react to their proddings. Only by having the courage and wisdom to experience our feelings and who we are being,  can we become a person that is empowered, insightful, purposeful, prioritized and free.

When we decide to face and experience our feelings, our self and our life, we are free to choice our response to each situation. With no call to action the self talk will fall silent and we will instead hear our own inner guidance.  And that message is always life enhancing.

A lifetime of suppressing or denying our feelings and the resulting negative self talk can be a challenge to overcome on our own. Just because a process is simple, doesn’t mean that it is easy. But believe me, the results are worth the effort.

If you would like some support with negative self talk or any other issue, please call or email me for a 30 minute free consultation.

excellence@cinci.rr.com

513-889-1870

Claim Ownership of Your Life

by Lauren Kennedy   http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

What If I left my body alone and unprotected ?
What would become of it?
Would someone steal my heart?
Would it be starved for nourishment?
Would someone control my brain?

What If I left my thoughts and beliefs unguarded?
And discounted the value of the content in my mind.
What set of beliefs would be replaced, and by whom?
Would I let another live rent free in my head?
Would another person steal my memories, replacing them with their own version?
Would someone control my ideas, goals  and direction?

What If I disregarded and ignored my feelings and intuition?
What treasures would I have given away?
Would I know when I was being used?
Would I realize when I was being manipulated for another person’s benefit?
Would I sense when to be cautious, when to take risks and when to jump for joy?

What If I no longer valued my life or myself?
What would become of me?
Would I feel disempowered and unimportant?
Would I allow another person’s thoughts, needs, feelings and desires to take precedence over my own?
Would my life be an exercise in suffering and endurance?

But what if I owned and accepted all of me -  mind, body and spirit?

Would I then respect and nurture my body as a wondrous vehicle for my spirit,
That enables me to sense, move, interact and communicate with my world?

Would I then value my thoughts and beliefs,
That reflect my principles and guide my decisions,
That are the harvested gems of my hard won experience.

Would I then embrace my feelings and intuition as the language of my Soul,
That inform me about my environment, illuminate who I am being, reveal my hopes and desires,
That ignites my passions, motivating me to action, giving  meaning and satisfaction to my spirit.

Would I then treasure my self as the source of special, unique qualities,
That I alone have the potential to express and contribute to the world?

Would I recognize which personal changes are in alignment with my own truth,and which changes result from fear, manipulation or pressure to compromise my values and priorities?

Would I know that my intuition is a gift of guidance from my spirit?

Would I have the self discipline  to remain consciously aware, experience life fully, and live according to my principles?

Would I value and respect all life completely?

Would I have the courage to be true to myself and realize my true potential,
In spite of social norms, the criticism of friends and family or the loss of respect?

Could I love and accept myself each moment?
Could I honor and respect all life completely?

Who then will I become, what will I know and how will I feel?

I feel enthusiasm and passion each day.
I understand that life has meaning and I know my Purpose.
I am living my truth and creating myself in the image of my grandest potential.

This is the path to ultimate success,
And the highway to lasting fulfillment.

If you want a Program that will reveal the road to true success and fulfillment, “The Path to Ultimate Success and Inner Peace” is your answer. Call or email us for a free 30 minute consultation. Ask for Lauren.

excellence@cinci.rr.com

513-889-1870

Special Moments Are Priceless

Lauren Kennedy - http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

We all have those special moments in our lives that we cherish, our most precious memories. Thinks of those moments in your life.

What are they? What makes them special?

• Why do we watch with admiration and amazement when one person risks their own life to save another.
• Why is our child’s graduation from college a memorable and special moment?
• After experiencing discomfort, disfigurement and pain of childbirth, why do women choose to go through it a second or third time?
• When our child takes its first steps, why to we grab the camcorder to capture it on film?
• Why do we pause to marvel at a beautiful sunset? Or watch in awed at the grace, agility and power of a tiger?
• Why are acts of courage eagerly recounted over and over again?

What make each of these moments so special and memorable? What do they all have in common?

They elicit powerful, deep sensations and feelings within us. If we did not experience intense feelings about these moments, they would fade in our memories with the other millions of memories filed away in our minds.

Unfortunately, I have had many clients who view their own lives as typically monotonous, punctuated only by those few special moments. But each day, we can fill our moments with special experiences. But first we must learn to live consciously, with focused awareness and be willing to fully experience each moment.

How many potentially moving experiences slip by our awareness each day?

While our minds are thinking, analyzing, judging and debating concepts or situations from the unreachable past or nonexistent future, we overlook or barely register many potential special moments: people who may touch our hearts, the satisfaction of challenges well met, the mistakes that could reveal the knowledge for better choices, the opportunity to  reignite our dreams , the comfort of our dog’s undying loyalty, and the exhilaration of self discovery.

Even our negative feelings illuminate certain vital insights, urging us to make choices that bring out the best in us. If we had never experienced the fear and panic from threat or danger, we could not empathize, nor would we be motivated to risk our life for another. The sight of hundreds of elephants, slaughtered only for their tusks, their once strong and majestic bodies, bloated and rotting under the sun, would not move us to take action without feelings of compassion and resolve. And it is that compassion, fear and horror which  we experience at the atrocities and the dehumanizing acts of war, that fuels our desire to seek peaceful alternatives to resolve our differences. (However war movies depicting it as exciting and noble have the opposite effect.)

We Avoid the Experiences that We Cherish

Sadly, we typically are unaware of the many potentially moving or profound moments that each day holds for us. We are focused on other priorities. We routinely avoid involvement. We may mentally record the information, but we avoid feeling the experience.

Most of us gratefully drop into bed at night, exhausted from a blur of non stop activity, our head spinning from multi-tasking, relieved to have made it through another day. We wake up, our minds already busy planning the days activities. We convince ourselves that we are up to the day’s numerous demands, suck up our insecurities, and quiet our misgivings. Then we don the appropriate image while gathering our defenses to protect our assumptions, to remain unaffected by circumstances and to assure we do not expose any weaknesses.

Feelings create the moments that are special, wonderful, and worthwhile in our lives. Feelings combined with empathy, motivate us to take risks to help another, or to use our imagination and creativity rather than resort to brute force.

Intellect – King of Propaganda

Yet we condemn our feelings, inaccurately believing that our feelings are responsible for all our suffering and our negative behaviors. We consider feelings unreliable. We claim feelings are an expression of our lower animal nature, on one hand and then allege that animals have no feelings, so it matters not how we treat them. We proclaim that it is our intellect alone that is reliable and trustworthy, despite evidence to the contrary.

We admire the stoic and self contained among us. We dismiss people who express their feelings as over dramatic, weak, and unreliable. We try to dismiss, reject, or ignore inconvenient feelings and even try to subdue our joy, excitement and empathy in fear that it is misplaced, that it will be misunderstood, or that we will be misjudged.

Evolution of Feelings

We strive for detachment, avoidance and disassociation from our feelings, alienating us from ourselves and each other. We scoff at intuition as an old wives tale. We have demoted feelings as an erratic response, to chemical reactions, produced by our reptilian brains, which induces an inconvenient reaction akin to bad breath. Those are the facts that our “infallible” intellect feeds us. Ironically, creatures experience deeper and more varied feelings as they evolve. Dogs are certainly capable of greater loyalty than crocodiles. And crocodiles display more feelings than an ameba.

But we overlook these discrepancies. Intellect is supreme.

Then we seek excitement, drama, competition, aversions and addictions to make us feel alive, to fill the emptiness, to quiet the longing for something more.

I read an article suggesting total detachment as a formula to avoid experiencing negative emotions and impulsive behavior. The author suggested that we should endeavor to remain as emotionally detached from our lives as we are capable of being when we watch a movie. However, when I go to a movie and remained detached, it is not nearly as enjoyable or as satisfying.

The Movies We Most Enjoy Are the One That Make Us Laugh or Cry

If I pay to watch a mystery movie and remain detached, emotionally uninvolved, and unmoved by the unexpected thrills,  I have wasted my money. I have more fun and satisfaction if I become attentive and involved, and experience the unexpected surprises and unknown dangers. I enjoy the mystery without being physically harmed.

(Feelings experienced, don’t cause physical harm, only feelings denied.)

It becomes a much more rewarding activity. Plus I got the full value of the experience for which I paid. I got my money’s worth. (The principle is the same whether it is a drama, a tragedy, a documentary or a romance movie.)

I earned a Master Degree in Detached and Unaware.

I lived the greater part of my life numb, detached, or purposely unaware. I initially perfected those defenses to gain approval, to be seen as a good, strong girl. I could have received an award for my portrayal of Pollyanna.

Later, I used my addictions to keep my feelings hidden from others and myself. I cut myself off from an invaluable source of information. My feelings would have alerted me to the truth: I had imprisoned and denied my true self in order to continue meeting other’s expectations in the hopes of gaining approval and respect.

Even when I put down the addictions, I briefly continued to ignore and discount my feelings. I slid into my macho role. I desperately wanted to be treated with respect. Most importantly, I wanted my thoughts, knowledge, experience and goals to be heard, my determination and commitment to be taken seriously. I wanted others to acknowledge me as a capable and significant person.

I lived detached from my body, feelings and experiences. I existed as a thinking machine. I was watching my life, not living it. And since I did not feel, I often did not recognize when I was being mistreated or used. I do not recommend this approach. I was devaluing myself and my life. Not only was I not getting my money’s worth, I was being over charged and eagerly paid the bill.

A Return to My Sense, My Feelings and Myself

Gratefully, I soon realized that my feelings were not an embarrassment or a curse. Rather they are a gift. They direct me to my truth, they give my life meaning, purpose and connect me to my innate essence. I realized that the respect and acknowledgment that I had been seeking from others is not what I lacked. And no amount  of acclaim would give me what I needed.

I was trying to quench a mighty thirst by eating more and more. Only water could satisfy that thirst. My feelings guided me to my thirst. But I had to find and drink the water.

Feelings are not the Perpetrator

The choice is not total detachment or uncontrolled reaction. An emotional reaction is not the same as experiencing one’s feelings. Feelings do not cause negative behavior. It is repressed or bottled up emotions, unresolved issues, faulty perceptions and unmet needs that are the underlying causes for our emotional reactions and our self defeating, negative behaviors.

Without feelings there can be no experience, only observation, analysis, and judgment. Experience requires total attention and awareness, mind, body and soul. Or thought, feeling and Being.

Passion is the engine of creation. And creation is the breath of life. But passion can only be sustained by fully experiencing the life you have created. Having fully experience your creation, your passion will inspire you to create an even grander life for you to experience. And your true feelings will illuminate the way.

Embrace your feelings. Experience each moment. And get your money’s worth from your life.

• Would you like to experience more special moments in your life?
• Do you want to achieve Emotional Freedom?
• Then please call for a free 30 minute consultation.
• Ask for Lauren  -  513-889-1870
• Or email me at excellence@cinci.rr.com