Special Moments Are Priceless

January 16, 2009 at 3:19 am Leave a comment

Lauren Kennedy http://www.InsitetoExcellence.com

We all have those special moments in our lives that we cherish, our most precious memories. Thinks of those moments in your life.

What are they? What makes them special?

  • Why do we watch with admiration and amazement when one person risks their own life to save another.
  • Why is our child’s graduation from college a memorable and special moment?
  • After experiencing discomfort, disfigurement and pain of childbirth, why do women choose to go through it a second or third time?
  • When our child takes its first steps, why to we grab the camcorder to capture it on film?
  • Why do we pause to marvel at a beautiful sunset? Or watch in awed at the grace, agility and power of a tiger?
  • Why are acts of courage eagerly recounted over and over again?

What make each of these moments so special and memorable? What do they all have in common?

They elicit powerful, deep sensations and feelings within us. If we did not experience intense feelings about these moments, they would fade in our memories with the other millions of memories filed away in our minds.

Unfortunately, I have had many clients who view their own lives as typically monotonous, punctuated only by those few special moments. But each day, we can fill our moments with special experiences. But first we must learn to live consciously, with focused awareness and be willing to fully experience each moment.

How many potentially moving experiences slip by our awareness each day?

While our minds are thinking, analyzing, judging and debating concepts or situations from the unreachable past or nonexistent future, we overlook or barely register many potential special moments: people who may touch our hearts, the satisfaction of challenges well met, the mistakes that could reveal the knowledge for better choices, the opportunity to  reignite our dreams , the comfort of our dog’s undying loyalty, and the exhilaration of self discovery.

Even our negative feelings illuminate certain vital insights, urging us to make choices that bring out the best in us. If we had never experienced the fear and panic from threat or danger, we could not empathize, nor would we be motivated to risk our life for another. The sight of hundreds of elephants, slaughtered only for their tusks, their once strong and majestic bodies, bloated and rotting under the sun, would not move us to take action without feelings of compassion and resolve. And it is that compassion, fear and horror which  we experience at the atrocities and the dehumanizing acts of war, that fuels our desire to seek peaceful alternatives to resolve our differences. (However war movies depicting it as exciting and noble have the opposite effect.)

We Avoid the Experiences that We Cherish

Sadly, we typically are unaware of the many potentially moving or profound moments that each day holds for us. We are focused on other priorities. We routinely avoid involvement. We may mentally record the information, but we avoid feeling the experience.

Most of us gratefully drop into bed at night, exhausted from a blur of non stop activity, our head spinning from multi-tasking, relieved to have made it through another day. We wake up, our minds already busy planning the days activities. We convince ourselves that we are up to the day’s numerous demands, suck up our insecurities, and quiet our misgivings. Then we don the appropriate image while gathering our defenses to protect our assumptions, to remain unaffected by circumstances and to assure we do not expose any weaknesses.

Feelings create the moments that are special, wonderful, and worthwhile in our lives. Feelings combined with empathy, motivate us to take risks to help another, or to use our imagination and creativity rather than resort to brute force.

Intellect – King of Propaganda

Yet we condemn our feelings, inaccurately believing that our feelings are responsible for all our suffering and our negative behaviors. We consider feelings unreliable. We claim feelings are an expression of our lower animal nature, on one hand and then allege that animals have no feelings, so it matters not how we treat them. We proclaim that it is our intellect alone that is reliable and trustworthy, despite evidence to the contrary.

We admire the stoic and self contained among us. We dismiss people who express their feelings as over dramatic, weak, and unreliable. We try to dismiss, reject, or ignore inconvenient feelings and even try to subdue our joy, excitement and empathy in fear that it is misplaced, that it will be misunderstood, or that we will be misjudged.

Evolution of Feelings

We strive for detachment, avoidance and disassociation from our feelings, alienating us from ourselves and each other. We scoff at intuition as an old wives tale. We have demoted feelings as an erratic response, to chemical reactions, produced by our reptilian brains, which induces an inconvenient reaction akin to bad breath. Those are the facts that our “infallible” intellect feeds us. Ironically, creatures experience deeper and more varied feelings as they evolve. Dogs are certainly capable of greater loyalty than crocodiles. And crocodiles display more feelings than an ameba.

But we overlook these discrepancies. Intellect is supreme.

Then we seek excitement, drama, competition, aversions and addictions to make us feel alive, to fill the emptiness, to quiet the longing for something more.

I read an article suggesting total detachment as a formula to avoid experiencing negative emotions and impulsive behavior. The author suggested that we should endeavor to remain as emotionally detached from our lives as we are capable of being when we watch a movie. However, when I go to a movie and remained detached, it is not nearly as enjoyable or as satisfying.

The Movies We Most Enjoy Are the One That Make Us Laugh or Cry

If I pay to watch a mystery movie and remain detached, emotionally uninvolved, and unmoved by the unexpected thrills,  I have wasted my money. I have more fun and satisfaction if I become attentive and involved, and experience the unexpected surprises and unknown dangers. I enjoy the mystery without being physically harmed.

(Feelings experienced, don’t cause physical harm, only feelings denied.)

It becomes a much more rewarding activity. Plus I got the full value of the experience for which I paid. I got my money’s worth. (The principle is the same whether it is a drama, a tragedy, a documentary or a romance movie.)

I earned a Master Degree in Detached and Unaware.

I lived the greater part of my life numb, detached, or purposely unaware. I initially perfected those defenses to gain approval, to be seen as a good, strong girl. I could have received an award for my portrayal of Pollyanna.

Later, I used my addictions to keep my feelings hidden from others and myself. I cut myself off from an invaluable source of information. My feelings would have alerted me to the truth: I had imprisoned and denied my true self in order to continue meeting other’s expectations in the hopes of gaining approval and respect.

Even when I put down the addictions, I briefly continued to ignore and discount my feelings. I slid into my macho role. I desperately wanted to be treated with respect. Most importantly, I wanted my thoughts, knowledge, experience and goals to be heard, my determination and commitment to be taken seriously. I wanted others to acknowledge me as a capable and significant person.

I lived detached from my body, feelings and experiences. I existed as a thinking machine. I was watching my life, not living it. And since I did not feel, I often did not recognize when I was being mistreated or used. I do not recommend this approach. I was devaluing myself and my life. Not only was I not getting my money’s worth, I was being over charged and eagerly paid the bill.

A Return to My Sense, My Feelings and Myself

Gratefully, I soon realized that my feelings were not an embarrassment or a curse. Rather they are a gift. They direct me to my truth, they give my life meaning, purpose and connect me to my innate essence. I realized that the respect and acknowledgment that I had been seeking from others is not what I lacked. And no amount  of acclaim would give me what I needed.

I was trying to quench a mighty thirst by eating more and more. Only water could satisfy that thirst. My feelings guided me to my thirst. But I had to find and drink the water.

Feelings are not the Perpetrator

The choice is not total detachment or uncontrolled reaction. An emotional reaction is not the same as experiencing one’s feelings. Feelings do not cause negative behavior. It is repressed or bottled up emotions, unresolved issues, faulty perceptions and unmet needs that are the underlying causes for our emotional reactions and our self defeating, negative behaviors.

Without feelings there can be no experience, only observation, analysis, and judgment. Experience requires total attention and awareness, mind, body and soul. Or thought, feeling and Being.

Passion is the engine of creation. And creation is the breath of life. But passion can only be sustained by fully experiencing the life you have created. Having fully experience your creation, your passion will inspire you to create an even grander life for you to experience. And your true feelings will illuminate the way.

Embrace your feelings. Experience each moment. And get your money’s worth from your life.

  • Would you like to experience more special moments in your life?
  • Do you want to achieve Emotional Freedom?
  • Then please call for a free 30 minute consultation.
  • Ask for Lauren  –  513-889-1870
  • Or email me at excellence@cinci.rr.com

Entry filed under: Feelings and Emotions. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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Our life is an evolving creation, shaped by our choices, colored by our desires, and lightened or darkened by our intentions.
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